Healing In Real Time

Sometimes a crack starts off small and spreads slowly. Other times it spreads the moment the crack begins. I feel like I have been chipped at all over my body. That its spread out enough that my cracks don’t overlap yet. As life goes on, I feel like my cracks are growing faster and faster. I try to repair the chips but adding a lawyer over something is a temporary fix. I have not taken the time to look at each chip and figure out the main cause. Who has time to fix every chip they see. These usually get addressed after the crack has become so big it’s no longer safe. I don’t feel safe anymore. I am trying to release the clutter that has been built up around me, reach out, and rebuild. But something always gets in the way of accomplishing these goals. I always get in the way. The thoughts that won’t stop, the passive comments I can’t get past, and the ability to fully change. I get so close but the realization of myself getting better scares the shit out of me. Old habits are so easy to keep around. Old patterns fall into place much easier than new ones. My daily life is filled with so much chaos it makes it easy to put myself last. I am humpty dumpty and I fell off the wall. I just don’t have housemen to put me back together again. I have a mentally ill brain, overwhelm and a little self-will to cling too. Wish me luck